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Top Chef Season 3 – “What’s Your Major Malfunction?”

June 15, 2007

Chef Bourdain

Oh yes, the ego’s are back in the kitchen. Last night we met a whole new slew of 15 arrogant morons who think they are the best thing in the kitchen since sliced bread.  The intro this year included flashing scenes of bikini clad asses close up…wait, what show is this? Anyways, it seems that the prizes have stepped up as well. Not only will the winner get the usual 100k, a state of the art kitchen and a feature in food and wine magazine, but they will also receive a vacation in the French Alps. What jackasses. But anyways, back to whats important… the contestants arrived to a banquet of treats and champagne to chat with each other… until the record skipped that is and the first quickfire challenge began. The contestants had to create an amuse bouche with the leftovers from their arrival using only what was on the table and plastic cutlery. I was actually pretty impressed with some of the chefs cutting skills with the shoddy equipement. I won’t go into the miniscule details of each dish, but i will say these two things. 1. Clay, the idiot, white-trash southern boy (who bragged he was the underdog who would win because he has had no formal training) created some hollowed out apple soupy fruit kinda thing, which HELLO, was way too big for an amuse bouche (which is a small bite before the meal begins) and was clearly unknowing of culinary terms. 2. Micah (who i can tell i already dislike) won the challenge with her fig and ham wrap thingy. Well, the big shocker for the elimination challenge was that the contestants had to choose from two types of strange proteins. With items like snake, eel and black chicken, I was surprised to see geoduck (pronounced gooey-duck). See, this is a very common type of seafood where I grew up. My family digs goeducks on the beach and then typically makes a delicious geoduck chowder. Some of the chefs didn’t even know what it was… I was shocked. Nevertheless, the plates of meats I never want to touch (thank god I am vegetarian) turned into lovely presentations of culinary art… except for a few exceptions. Howie, the chef who talked about taking his time cooking and how he would have plenty of time to finish the challenge, didn’t get his fried frog legs on the plate…hence he didn’t really finish the challenge. But the judges tasted his sea urchin dish they found it quite lovely. Clay, the white trash loser from round one created a fried fish tail along with some other fried creation that the judges deemed inedible. Controversy struck the panel at the thought of letting obviously talented (but unfinisher of contests) Howie … and Clay, who finished the challenge, but cooked poorly. Highlights included special guest judge Anthony Bourdain asking Howie “What’s your major malfunction?” Point is, Clay got the ever famous phrase “please pack your knives and go” and left with a sad look on his face. Next week… well, tune in wednesday night to find out!

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